glory building unaware… 13 Nov 10

i just read through the list of Jacob’s sons in Genesis. its interesting that as i read those names, they are more than just pronouns. there is a vast history that is now encompassed by them. because i know the rest of the story. i read Levi and think of the Levitical preisthood, the keepers of the Temple, those who birthed a line of Pharisees and teachers of the law. and Judah, being referenced later as Isaiah talks about the Messiah being a Lion of Judah, his scandalous past and his regret over the treatment of his little brother, Joseph. and holy cow, Joseph! his story of slavery, jail, and then rising to great power and the abilities God gave him. and that from these 12 men – an entire people would experience the hand of God as He led them out of exile, into a desert, drove out people groups before them, settled them in a land of milk and honey, allowed them to be conquered, oppressed by Romans and eventually from them would come a Messiah… what an incredible story!

but my guess? they had no idea. for them, they were just living life… tending cattle and sheep, taking wives, having babies, feasting and partying, going to temple sacrifices… their lives were not extraordinary to them.
but from them… a history changing momentum was birthed.

as i sit here and think about that, i’m blown away by what that might mean for me. i’m just doing life. nothing more, nothing less. but i want it to be more. and in my culture, for me, that means some sort of renown or fortune.
but what if my life is building a glory that i am unaware of that will come down the line…

jesus the weight trainer. 12 Nov 10

my body was aching when i woke up this morning. not sick or flu achy. weight training achy. its a good ache. every time i laugh, walk up stairs or reach for something i am aware of my muscles.

i like it.

i really like feeling strong. i am proud of myself for pushing it so hard. that my body is going beyond what is the norm and developing the muscle to do so. the sensation to push yourself – to go harder, faster, get better…etc. – is one i’ve always enjoyed. i will go through seasons of going hard and then i hit a plateau. because the weight for my body isn’t as difficult as it once was. its something that it can now handle. and i hang out there for a while, but then i get bored so i figure out a way to up the ante. like meet with a trainer. go to a class. and my body begins to do these things i never thought capable. now, its not easy – the extra 10lbs or extra reps hurt. sometimes i feel like i want to throw up… but i do it. i do it because i know how i feel later. i know that what i’m investing now pays off in the end. i feel strong. i feel healthy. i feel able to do… and i like that feeling. alot.

it hit me recently that Jesus is a weight trainer.

i would call the last year of my life one of the toughest seasons i’ve been in. what i have been processing in my heart, mind and spirit is often overwhelming and weighs on me in physically visible ways. joy and hope are a bit harder for me to find, my mind is constantly racing, my body is weary, and my heart seems skittish at best. there have been days where death seemed like a better alternative. (ps: not contemplating ending it… just wanting to be with Jesus instead of here.)

and then – as if it couldn’t get any harder – BAM! Jesus throws on some more weight. one more thing to look at, process and deal with. and it hurts. the growing of my spiritual muscle aches and the next step seems unbearable. but i grunt and i go one more step … and then one more… and i feel the ache throughout the day and the rest of the week.

and then one day i wake up and it has passed.
i can tell within my spirit that i’ve reached the next plateau – the next level. that i’m beyond the training of the last season and i am stronger. i have walked through the darkness and there is the light and my response to it is deeper. newer. more intimate.  i am more sensitive to the Lord’s promptings, His nudgings and His voice. and i know that He is now giving me a time of rest. to enjoy this new state of strength.

but it will not last. and that’s okay. i wouldn’t want it to anyway. the day will come when a new round of training will come to take me to the next level. because Jesus and i both know the same thing.
the only way to get stronger is to up the weight.
and what you gain? so worth it.