my body was aching when i woke up this morning. not sick or flu achy. weight training achy. its a good ache. every time i laugh, walk up stairs or reach for something i am aware of my muscles.
i like it.
i really like feeling strong. i am proud of myself for pushing it so hard. that my body is going beyond what is the norm and developing the muscle to do so. the sensation to push yourself – to go harder, faster, get better…etc. – is one i’ve always enjoyed. i will go through seasons of going hard and then i hit a plateau. because the weight for my body isn’t as difficult as it once was. its something that it can now handle. and i hang out there for a while, but then i get bored so i figure out a way to up the ante. like meet with a trainer. go to a class. and my body begins to do these things i never thought capable. now, its not easy – the extra 10lbs or extra reps hurt. sometimes i feel like i want to throw up… but i do it. i do it because i know how i feel later. i know that what i’m investing now pays off in the end. i feel strong. i feel healthy. i feel able to do… and i like that feeling. alot.
it hit me recently that Jesus is a weight trainer.
i would call the last year of my life one of the toughest seasons i’ve been in. what i have been processing in my heart, mind and spirit is often overwhelming and weighs on me in physically visible ways. joy and hope are a bit harder for me to find, my mind is constantly racing, my body is weary, and my heart seems skittish at best. there have been days where death seemed like a better alternative. (ps: not contemplating ending it… just wanting to be with Jesus instead of here.)
and then – as if it couldn’t get any harder – BAM! Jesus throws on some more weight. one more thing to look at, process and deal with. and it hurts. the growing of my spiritual muscle aches and the next step seems unbearable. but i grunt and i go one more step … and then one more… and i feel the ache throughout the day and the rest of the week.
and then one day i wake up and it has passed.
i can tell within my spirit that i’ve reached the next plateau – the next level. that i’m beyond the training of the last season and i am stronger. i have walked through the darkness and there is the light and my response to it is deeper. newer. more intimate. i am more sensitive to the Lord’s promptings, His nudgings and His voice. and i know that He is now giving me a time of rest. to enjoy this new state of strength.
but it will not last. and that’s okay. i wouldn’t want it to anyway. the day will come when a new round of training will come to take me to the next level. because Jesus and i both know the same thing.
the only way to get stronger is to up the weight.
and what you gain? so worth it.
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